Sunday, September 30, 2007

I'll Miss You, Stmnnn Grnsmnsnsamm

I don't often have voice mails at work; I'm at my desk plenty, and even when I'm not, I don't get a lot of calls. Most of the people I need to talk to are in shouting distance, and if we don't want to shout we use email. But way back in July, I got the best voice mail ever.

PLEASANT FEMALE VOICE: This is a call for
COMPUTER GENERATED VOICE: Stmnn Grnsmmsnerhsnsmnn.
PFV: If you are not
CGV: Stmnn Grnsmmsnerhsnsmnn
PFV: then please hang up. If you are
CGV: Stmnn Grnsmmsnerhsnsmnn
PFV: please stay on the line. This is an attempt to collect a debt from
CGV: Stmnn Grnsmmsnerhsnsmnn.....

Obviously, some dude had given a fake phone # and name on some kind of credit app. The first name sounded kind of vaguely like it might have been "Stephen," but the last name was total gibberish as interpreted by the voice software stuff. So I laughed, and hung up, figuring that was the end of it.

Except, two weeks later, it happened again. Same message, same incessant repetition of the garbled name--and it said it in kind of a singsong, so it was more like StmNNN ... GrnsMMSnerhSNSmnn... and it reduced me to giggling fits as I listened to the entire message to see if there was some way to call them back and tell them they had the wrong number. There was a number; I called it, and got put on hold for 5 minutes before I gave up.

After the third or fourth time, I began to wonder why they never called while I was at my desk. I mean, it happened again and again--I even saved it in my voice mail so I could forward it to co-workers on slow days. Could it be that Stmnn Grnsmmsnerhsnsmnn was stalking me? Who IS Stmnn Grnsmmsnerhsnsmnn?? And why is he such a bad credit risk? What did he default on, and why is he haunting me?? The calls increased in frequency; I'd leave my desk for 10 minutes, come back, and there he'd be again. It was worrisome.

Then, last week, I got a call while at my desk. I said, "Hello, this is me" and there was a pause, like there is when a computer is dialing for someone, and then a voice came on the line. "Can I speak to Steven Peterson?" "Umm, nope--no one by that name here, sorry." "Thank you." And they hung up. A moment later I realized--was that the credit cops? Could this be the end of Stmnn Grnsmmsnerhsnsmnn?? It's OK, Stmnnn. You will always live on in my heart. And in my saved voice messages.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Avast, Ye Lubbers

Surely ye didn't think I'd be lettin' this day pass wi'out some piratey goodness! True, this holiday gleams upon me calendar like a silver real winkin' at ye from the sandy bottom of Dead Man's Cove...
I did swill some grog with me crew at a Pirate Party this evening, and couched many if nae all of me work emails in pirate talk in remembrance of the occasion.

Monday, September 17, 2007

It's Phlegm-tastic!

I have a cold, which is extra-fun since the weather outside is amazingly gorgeous and all I can do is stare at it and sniffle. When I was a kid, I was sick a lot--at least, I remember being sick a lot, I had a tendency towards bronchial infections and became intimately familiar with chalky-pink-crap medicine, aka Amoxicillan, over the course of my childhood. My mom used to keep a supply of small but entertaining toys hidden in the linen closet for me, so she could pull them out when I was bed-ridden and cheer me up. Now I'm 37, and mom's linen closet is a 15 minute drive from here, and I think it's just got linen in it at this point. (Though she does occasionally present me with some trinket that was bought in the early 80's and squirreled away, only to be rediscovered when my newly retired dad makes her clear out the nether reaches of the storage cupboards at their house...) Anyway, so last night I was feeling low, but not too low to actually leave the house, so I went out to the toy department at Meijer. Meijer on a Sunday night is not as deserted as I would have imagined, and it took me a while to check out with my loot. But I considered this a work-related activity; we're starting work on the upcoming LEGO exhibit, and I needed research materials.

I was disappointed in the small selection of Star Wars LEGO at Meijer, so was forced to buy a few--ok, several--action figures to meet my need for a Lucasfilm fix. They had slightly more in the medieval castles LEGO line, so I selected a LEGO arbalest and a catapault, both with heroic knight defenders and evil undead skeletons to operate the machinery. I'm a LEGO fan from way back; if they had had the huge castle playset at Meijer I would have been sorely tempted to buy it. But the two war machines I bought work quite well, and I'm having fantasies about purchasing the Jawa sandcrawler in future. It's all for work, mind you. Work.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Gahhhhh!!

My blog lies fallow--all is lost! No, seriously, I've just been kinda busy, and I'd been planning to get my photos from the San Diego zoo up online so I could post one of them to the blog and it'd be all cool. But instead of uploading photos I've been doing all that grownup stuff I keep hearing other people talk about, like cleaning the house and working. And complaining about work, over beers with friends. (Not that I have a lot to complain about, it's still the most awesome jorb in the world, but like all jobs it occasionally has its moments of "oh, for heaven's sake, WTF??" And now I feel guilty for even mentioning it, because they're sending me to New York this week so I can go to some cool museums. Aw, I'm sorry, job! I didn't mean it when I said you were annoying me earlier this week! Forgive me, you are still cool.)